I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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