I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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