Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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