Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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