You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I am mentally ready for anal.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
