I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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