Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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