I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
