The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
