The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
