And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
