You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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