A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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