If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
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