Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
