How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
