i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i love accidental penises.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
