My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
