oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
