Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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