she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
