jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Houston, we have a squirter
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
