i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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