then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
