We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
