i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
