She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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