There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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