So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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