I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
