I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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