there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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