its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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