Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
