He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
