so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
