You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
