this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
