haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Randomize
