If i come over, it means nothing
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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