I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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