I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
