tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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