i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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