It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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