So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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