I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm at about main and main street
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
