This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
