I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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