My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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