i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just want nice things and good sex
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
