Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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