She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
